Day 35, July 9, 1977
The morning was cool and we wore our sweaters as we broke camp. The local store was still closed, so while we waited we had time to sip coffee and wash out our dirty clothes at a pump in the park. The washing routine was always simple: rinse, ring out, attach lightly to the bungee cord that held the sleeping bag and tent to the rack on the rear wheel. Then the laundry would dry as we pedaled. By lunch, it would be dry, and could be stowed away. We rarely used soap on our clothes or utensils.
We finally left Wheaton late because the store opened late, and we had nothing for breakfast. Then we had to eat, and relax a little more while the food settled. Quite different from the usual routine: eat breakfast and drink coffee first, the pack while the food has a chance to begin digestion. When we did leave, a little boy followed us on his bike for a half-mile.
This day started out clear and cool, then warmed up, but never become too hot. We were having a nice ride with some hills but very little traffic. The scenery was beautiful. At Tuttle Creek State Park we stopped to have lunch. We were beside a long lake, which stretched 10 miles both north and south. Since we were on a hill, we could see both ends of the lake from our vantage point. Deep green pines dotted the grassy hillside down to the lake. A strong easterly wind kept us cool—and reminded us of one reason we were having such a nice ride: a tailwind! It made all the difference. It made cycling like coasting down a gentle hill. It also provided energy for the sailboat we could see below us.
We relaxed atop this hill, with our 360-degree view. There was no topography in view taller than our promontory. Inanna was beautiful and loving in the sunlight. We laughed through lunch about the signs that led us to this spot in Kansas: The Dove, Harborfest, Dick’s resignation, my angel, the trip to Mammoth Cave, which showed us how much more fun it was to be off the Trans-American Trail, the ad we saw at Topeka which diverted us 30 miles north to visit the Potawatamis. This seemed like a great trip. We were happy. I lay back in the grass and let myself float.
***
Yes, Inanna was the third angel.
My ex was a responsible person, as I have said. Honest to her bones. But it wasn’t honesty I needed. It was passion. Locked in the all-male environment of the Academy, I and most of my comrades had become sex-obsessed. She was to be the object of my passion. But she wasn’t at all from that world. And when we argued, I would withdraw, as she attacked. I was miserable, and so was she.
But I was the one to call it quits, and it hurt her deeply. Cathy was caught in the middle, but finally I couldn’t deny myself. I began dating other women, still obsessed with sex, but also feeling totally inadequate about it. None of the relationships could last as I treated each woman as a moth treats a light-bulb in the summer night: drawn in, slapped down, again and again.
The first time I kissed Inanna I knew there was something special. I told her so, and she agreed, in a matter-of-fact way. Sex was her gift, and she knew it. She was outwardly shy, and never pursued sex, yet was able to respond whenever she wanted to. She was patient with a confused, conflicted soul like me. When just the two of us were together, she was always calm and peaceful. And she was warm and accepting of Cathy, who lived with me that year.
She had been an English teacher, but hated teaching in the public schools. She had gone back to school and received her masters in guidance and counseling. She wanted to be a school counselor, but such positions were highly desirable, and many teachers had the training and competed for them. That summer, we began living together in my house near the beach. She was dreading going back to school. Each day her dread grew, as the school year neared. Then, she went in for the week of teacher preparation. By that Friday, she was sick. She couldn’t function over the weekend. On the first day of school, she called in sick. On the second day, she quit.
She knew it was the kiss of death in the school system. You don’t quit on the first day of school and ever expect to be hired back. She was depressed, but still thankful that I was offering her a safe home base. She took a part time job working with retarded children, and another part time job waiting tables.
All that fall and winter, we stayed close. I was her stability. And she was showing me sex, for the first time.
***
I rose from my reverie and we got back aboard our bikes and pushed on. On the other side of Tuttle Creek Lake we came to a herd of cattle on the other side of a fence along the road. I resisted my normal impulse when I see cows, which is to say “moo” to them. Instead I raised my hand and hollered, “hello cows!” They stampeded. I had never seen a cattle stampede before. Perhaps “moo” is a better greeting.
We arrived in Clay Center, Kansas and had a moment of indecision. Should we stop here, where we could easily buy food, but there was no obvious place to camp? Or should we buy food and ride on two miles to camp by the Republican River? It was always our pattern to purchase food for dinner and breakfast at this time of the evening, but it would overload our panniers and any further riding would be a balancing act. As we tried to decide, we absently watched some baseball players in a field. Inanna mentioned that a cold beer would taste good right now. One of the ball players came over, opened an ice chest, and offered us each ice-cold Coors beers! He also gave us each a piece of cold fried chicken. Inanna remarked, “God is good to me.”
Our decision no longer seemed to matter so much. We bought our provisions and found a grassy area near a swimming pool in Clay Center. We set up our tent, had dinner (delicious hamburger, but with bad cheese on it), and relaxed. We climbed the fence when it got dark and became “midnight swimmers” to get clean. We thought again about Fred and Alma back in Holden, MO.
I sent another letter back to my friends at the Outreach Clinic: “…this trip is having a slowing effect on me, mellowing out my speediness. Now I seem to be slow to make conversations with local people. Last night I went into a gas station and couldn’t think of anything to say—like it was taking me a few minutes to come down from a high meditation. And that’s what cycling is, after all—a kind of mantra-yoga—repeating the motion over and over ad infinitum.
“We are deeply tanned but look the same otherwise. My legs are no bigger, just a lot stronger. Above the waist I still look like an undernourished Buddha. We’re in the best cardio-vascular shape of our lives, however, I’m sure. Eating a whole lot, maybe twice normal consumption.
“We’re right on schedule, should arrive at Greeley, Colorado by night of the 16th. You can write us there c/o Jim & Ruth Sharon…Hope to be in San Fran. by mid August…”